I was actually scheduled to get it done last week, but on the drive home from my Dr's appointment, I got a sick feeling inside.
It wasn't really about the procedure at all, but had everything to do with the Dr. who would be performing it.
She was so rude to me. So completely insensitive.
She questioned and challenged me as to why I didn't take the cytotec (the pill to induce miscarriage) which they had prescribed me the day before.
I explained to her that I had already been through enough emotionally with this whole ordeal; and that I just didn't want to have to experience any more undue pain - emotional or physical. (I know there's no baby in there, but I am 13 weeks pregnant. My Uterus is enlarged, the gestational sac is big. I can only imagine the amount of blood and tissue that I would be passing, and therefore having to look at. Not to mention the severe cramping and pain that she had warned me about).
I told her that I really just wanted to go to sleep, and wake up, and know that it was done.
Just like that.
She seemed to almost mock me for my cowardice.
I felt crushed afterwards.
Crushed and sick inside.
I called John on the phone and he asked why we were even going to her.
At that point I just wanted it to be over with...even if it meant having that heartless woman take care of it.
I hung up with John, and headed for home.
It wasn't until I was stopped at a stoplight, that I finally came to my senses.
She clearly doesn't have my best interest at heart.
I never felt, through any of her dealings with me, that she genuinely cared about me and what I was going through;
I decided to call the Dr. who performed the laparoscopic surgery to remove my ectopic pregnancy three years ago.
He, of course, was happy to help me out.
When I met with him on Wednesday, he was completely understanding and full of compassion...as was his entire staff.
It was a complete night and day contrast.
He ordered a couple more HCG quants, as well as an ultrasound...wanting to be sure for himself that this pregnancy had no chance of surviving.
We met today to review all the results.
Of course, we all knew that this was not a viable pregnancy, but the fact that he was giving it every benefit of the doubt, made me feel like he really cared.
I, for the first time in weeks, felt validated.
I can now face tomorrow with a calm heart...knowing that I am absolutely in good hands.
(Let's just hope I make it until tomorrow, with all the cramping and spotting/bleeding we've been dealing with all weekend.)
Ok, now that was a lot of rambling.
The real purpose of this post was to thank all of you for...
Where do I even begin?
You all know who you are.
I feel so richly blessed.