Thursday, September 16, 2010

Dear Baby Mine,

I found out a couple of days ago that you've already started growing inside me. I can't even describe the emotions that overcame me the moment that plus sign appeared on the pregnancy test. I've probably taken 50 pregnancy tests in the last three years and none of them had ever looked like that one. Like I said, the feelings were pretty powerful. Immediately I started shaking. I mean like shaking so hard that the only other thing I could do, or even wanted to do (besides cry, of course...but that's a given) was to fall to my knees. I dropped down, right then and there, and poured out my whole heart and soul in gratitude to my Heavenly Father.

Dear sweet baby, prayer works. I want you to know that our Heavenly Father hears our prayers. If you ever have problems - I should say, when you have problems...because you will, mortality is just full of them - or when you have questions or doubts, or when you just want something so bad, it hurts - Pray to your Father in Heaven. Plead with Him. Pour out your heart to Him. Cry unto Him. Make sure that those prayers reach the Heavens, and I can promise you that He will hear them. Not only will He hear them, but He will answer them...maybe not in the way you had expected or hoped, but what He has in store for us, baby, is better than anything we could ever dream up for ourselves. The key is aligning our own will, with His. That's probably one of the most important things you can learn about this mortal experience...if you make yourself one with God, you will never go wrong in life; and even more importantly you will make it back to Him one day. It's taken me so long - my whole lifetime really - to figure that out, and I'm not even close to where I need to be. It's not as easy as it sounds.

I think one of the hardest life lessons that we must learn, is patience. Especially in this day and age, where everything is quick and convenient. It's a fast paced world, sweet baby, one full of instant gratification, and the need for immediate results. We know what we want, and we want it now. Practicing patience is difficult in this society that we belong. It can be nearly impossible to simply slow down, take a deep breath, and just enjoy. Enjoy family. Enjoy blessings. And enjoy life...just the way it is; because it changes. It always does.
I think the Lord had some of these important lessons for me to learn, because I wanted you three years ago. If I'd have gotten my way, you'd be 2 years and 4 months old by now. But then we wouldn't have adopted your big brother, Asher. You just wait, baby, once you meet your big brother, Asher, your life will never be the same. He is amazing. I cannot imagine our life and our family without him in it. And I believe with all my heart, that that's the reason we've had to wait for you.
But you know what they say about good things coming to those who wait? I feel deep down that this is the case with you, little one. You are just so, so good.

Last week was hard for me. I was starting to doubt a bit (which I hate admitting, but it was a weak moment for me), doubt and wonder if we'd ever be blessed to meet you. I longed for you, and cried a lot in the process. Your sweet and intuitive daddy asked me if I'd like a blessing. I gladly accepted his offer, knowing that there was nothing in this world that could calm my troubled heart and despairing soul quite like the Power of God. The blessing pierced deep inside me. Through your dad, Heavenly Father spoke right to me. He told me that He was so aware and mindful of our family, of our situation, and of my hurt and sadness. He told me that He had great things in store for our family. That our family was not yet complete, and that He was preparing us, and our home, for a very special spirit. A spirit, He said, that would bless our lives forever. Did you catch that? That spirit is you! And little did I know that you were already forming inside of me at that very moment. I felt such a sense of peace and calm as daddy blessed me.
So that's another thing, my sweet, never ever doubt your self worth. You are one of Heavenly Father's precious spirits, a spirit so special that you will bless the lives of your family members forever. That sounds pretty special to me...forever's an awfully long time.
You have been reserved to come down at a very important time - the timing, in fact, has been very meticulously planned and thought out by our Father in Heaven; because remember if it had been up to me, you would already be here. For some reason - a very important reason, I have no doubt - your time is now. It's a good thing we're in Father's hands. He knows so much more about us and our lives then we ever will.

Well sweet baby, I must say that I have a hard time expressing exactly how I feel. My feelings are so real and so deep, but I struggle a lot...getting them out. I hope I've at least been able to convey this much...that I love you. My love for you (even though I haven't even met you, and have yet to feel you move and grow inside of me) is absolute, it's tangible, and it's oh so perfect.

Just. Like. You.

7 comments:

Julie Knowlton said...

This is beautiful, beautiful news! You are a beautiful woman, Nicole. Inside and out. I am so incredibly happy for you guys! You guys deserve all the blessings coming your way.

Happy for you.

Jess and Matt said...

Beautifully put, Nicole. Wow, this was so wonderful to read. Every single word of it. I am so happy with this news and the miracle that is joining your family. Congratulations a million times.

natalie eve said...

love this. make sure this special baby E gets to read this. it will mean so much to him/her.

CONGRATS again.

seriously, so happy for you.

Ethel Carola Aredes Tapia said...

muchas felicidades amiga por la llegada de tu nuevo hijo
sabes que habeces el señor nos pone tantas pruebas en el camino para prepararnos para una gran bendicion como en tu caso
que mayor gozo trae a nuestra vida el poder tener la oportunidad de crecer a nuestra familia y darle a esos espiritud especiales la oportunidad de venir a una familia que tienen el conocimiento de verdad y salvación eterna

no te puedes imaginar cuan gozo trae en mi vida esta hermosa noticia te quiero mucho amiga mis felicitaciones para ti y tu familia
y muchas felicidades a los hermanos mayores

Rachel said...

I am SO excited for you guys! I'm sure your little one is anxiously waiting their arrival just as much as you are!

diana said...

love, love this.

Layla said...

Love,love,love this! I am so excited for you and your family. Your new little one is so lucky to have you as a mom!