Friday, April 4, 2008

peace defeats my anguish...

I'm sitting in the back seat of the car, gripping my baby's icy little hands, as John - fingers gripping the cold, hard wheel - races us to the emergency room. Blood is pouring from her left (once flawless) snow white porcelain cheek. I'm more hysterical than she is as I peer closely into her mangled skin. Amidst the outpouring of blood I see that her bottom lip is torn and drooping resting on her quivering chin. I see the holes in her face and I'm haunted by the cogitation that my beautiful little daughter will never look the same again. All I want to do is call my dad. (The first thing I ever want to do when staring in adversity's face... is to call my dad.) He knows just what to say, and how to say it, and always says it just when I need to hear it the most. You've got to remain calm, Nicole. For yourself and for John, but especially for your sweet little must remain calm. He is so soft spoken. His words soothe me. I take control of my emotions. I take a few long deep breaths...and I stop crying. I feel at peace. Just hearing his voice puts me at ease.
It's a long night. It's one AM, and we're finally pulling into the driveway that leads to a safe and peaceful refuge...home sweet home. We gently lie our brave (and now reposed) little gem in her mom and dad's over sized bed. We kneel down beside her and thank our Heavenly Father for his multitude of tender mercies over us. We arise from our knees, and an overwhelming feeling of peace encompasses the both of us.
My tired eyes glance toward the nightstand, and finally focus on the thin red object that rests upon the table's hard smooth surface. It's my phone. The same thin red phone that was (understandably - amid the calamity and consternation of our evening's misfortune), forgotten at home. I have new messages. Eight new messages. One from each member of my family. I listen to them all and my heart swells with gratitude and love for each beloved family member. What would I do without these individuals in my life? They are true friends and true confidants. They are my support and my strength during life's joys, as well as amidst life's less-than-joyous moments. I feel peace as I listen to their words of comfort, encouragement, concern, and genuine love. The first message I hear is from my brother, Aaron. I listen to his gentle assurances as he explains Ruby's advantage of being so young; and that consequentially, she has a greater regenerative capacity. The spirit whispers the truthfulness of his words to my troubled soul...and once again, I am at peace.
The morning sun peers through the curtain drawn windows, announcing it's annihilation over the long, dark, and restless night. We have an appointment with the plastic surgeon today. He examines her distressed marked exterior, and then assures us that she will heal just perfectly. Children are resilient, he says, and within a year's time, I'm confident that her face won't even bear the slightest indication of this incident. Peace. I feel peace. Looking at her torn and jagged flesh, I don't understand how it could possible be, but, once again, peace defeats my anguish; and I have no doubt that my beautiful little baby will grow into a beautiful little girl, and then one day become a beautiful little lady.

It's now been three weeks, and as I watch her face regenerate and her wounds heal, I feel as calm and as peaceful as ever before.

I wanted to share these pictures so as to note her progress to date...

day 1

day 2

day 3

day 4

day 5

a week and 1/2

three weeks (yesterday)

Doesn't she just look amazing? Is it any wonder that I should feel as calm and as peaceful as I do...?


Julia Kelly said...

Thank you for your inspiring words and beautiful pictures of your dear little ruby! You really are an inspiration to me! You have a way with words and reading your blog makes me want to be better...thank you!

Dana Mania said...

That truly is amazing. She is progressing SO well. And just looking at those pictures tells you that things are only going to get BETTER from here on out! Prayer really helps keep the positivity in the hardest of times! We love you guys!

And that little Ruby...Agh! I wish I could squeeze her!

Rania said...

She looks amazing! I completely believe in miracles. Thanks for sharing yours with me. Love ya guys!

ahe said...

Wow, I can't believe how much better she looks since we last saw her a week ago. I truly is a miracle.

Layla said...

Nicole I really don't know how you do it, but every time I read one of your blog post it inspires me to be a better person and encourages me to draw closer to my Savior. You truly are one amazing lady!

Sarah Anthony said...

Wow how amazing there is barely a bruise left. Thank you for your sweet words also, you always help lift me up, and I'm sure many others who read your sweet words.

Layn & Celeste said...

She is healing so amazingly. I'm so glad you're documenting her miraculous healing! Next photography location I go I'll be calling you! Either this week sometime or next week. Thanks for yet another wonderful train park visit!

Danielle said...

Nicole, your spirit is bigger than my computer screen!

A very very dear friend of mine once told me, "trials give me an opportunity to draw closer to Heavenly Father, and strengthen my relationship with the Savior." There's no doubt that the channel between you and HIM is open and clear. Between you and John, Ruby has exceptional examples of faith, strength, and humility. I'm constantly awed by your strength and spirit. You guys will continue to be in my prayers!

By the way, RUBY IS HEALING SO WONDERFULLY AND SO QUICKLY! WOW! What a blessing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sonja said...

That is incredible! I'm so happy that she is healing so well and so fast. (must have been the deodorant)

Nicole, thank you for sharing your beautiful testimony. Once again I find myself so uplifted by your strength and example and your marvelous writing.

diana rose said...

oh, i hate to see those pictures from the first few days! i can't imagine your anguish. thankfully, she is just healing up nicely. but with our without scars, ruby is truly a gem!

we had so much fun with her this weekend, thanks for letting us enjoy her company!

mich said...

Okay Nicole and John, It is me Michelle ,(Heidi C sis). When she told me about Ruby I had to check it out. Can I just say , You handled the situation so well. I would of lost my lid. That truley is such a miracle. Oh the miracles of Heaven, How I love them ! She is such a beautiful baby! I am so glad she is okay, that you are all okay. I hate to ask but did you know the dog?
Did anything happen to the dog?

Lexusstylie said...

was surfing google images and came across your daughters photos..

she looks allmost exactly like my daughter ^^

the best of luck to u guys and stay strong ^^