Tuesday, February 26, 2008

we're expecting...

No. I'm not pregnant. But John and I are expecting (as in looking forward to and anticipating), the arrival of our next child...one that will come to us through much sacrifice, selflessness, love, faith, and revelation...through the process of adoption. Whether this child is a boy or girl...we know not. We're unsure of where our child will be born, nor do we know when, but we dream about what a glorious event it will be. The day that we will be blessed to meet our baby for the very first time. To us, the fact that we could not conceive this child, is completely irrelevant. For the moment the Lord revealed to us that we were to adopt, everything felt so right. Sure I was terrified. In the beginning, I was doubtful. I had some legitimate concerns. Are we financially prepared for the costs involved? Are we emotionally prepared to meet the demands of an adoption? Would this mean I'd never be able to have more biological children? Would I love this baby as much as one of my own? I think of all my concerns, the one that haunted me the most was the last-mentioned...would I love this child as my own? I remember falling to my knees, in tears, and pleading with my Father. I told him that I was willing to do anything he asked of me, but that I would hate going through life feeling like I loved one child more than another. It was then that the Lord blessed me with the most beautiful experience in which I had no doubt about my ability to love another child every bit as much as I loved my own. In that moment, I was completely enveloped in His love. The fears and doubts were immediately dispelled. We have no doubt that this spirit is ours, will be ours forever, and was always meant to be a part of our family. I'm only just now beginning to understand that it doesn't matter how this baby gets to us...whether it be by our own doing, or through the sacrifice of another mother, it's the same. The Lord has a plan for families, and I believe certain spirits are sent to certain homes and families for a reason. I feel honored to be a mother to another of the Lord's choicest, most valiant spirits, and pray that I will receive strength from on high as each one enters our home...whichever way they enter.

We feel strongly that there is a particular spirit that the Lord wants us to have. We have done everything in our power to remain close to the spirit so that we can be worthy to receive revelation through this process. We have been amazed by the miracles which have taken place thus far, and know that we are doing the will of our Heavenly Father. My only desire is to do His will.

Please help us in the search for our baby. If you know of anyone that is considering placing their baby for adoption, please feel free to tell them about us. I know that the Lord blesses those who demonstrate their faith through their works. For this reason, we have committed to be proactive in our search, and would love any and all the help we can get.

For anyone who may be interested, click here to access our web page through LDS Family Services, or follow these steps...

1) go to ldsfamilyservices.com
2) click on Birthparents
3) click on search adoption profiles
4) in the adoptive profile name box, enter JohnAndNicole (exactly as shown) and then hit view profile.
5) if you'd like to view other profiles, just leave the adoptive profile name box empty, and click view profile.

32 comments:

The Bentleys said...

You guys will be the best parents ever. I have absolutely no doubt of that! We love you and were excited for our triple date next time we come down. :)

Maryann said...

I am sobbing right now!! I'm so excited for you guys and know that although this will be an emotional roller coaster for you, so much happiness will come from this experience. To be able to give a life to someone that otherwise may not have much of one... what a selfless, wonderful thing. I'm so excited, happy and proud of you guys!

Kat & Steve said...

How neat! You will be such a great blessing to this baby. Keep us poste!

Blackner Family said...

My eyes are filled with tears of joy for you and for the birth parents that will have the incredible privelege of having your baby. My sister always says Tea grew in her tummy and Briar grew in her heart. Our prayers will be with you guys as this incredible journey unfolds.

Kira Joy said...

Best wishes through this whole process...it can be so heart wrenching and miraculous at the same time. I'll be praying for you!

Travis and Teresa Wilson said...

Who better qualified and deserving than you and John. We will be praying for you.

diana rose said...

i can't even imagine what an emotional experience this will be for your family. so many blessings and i'm sure trials await, but i'm sure it will be the most worthwhile experience. i hope i have the opportunity to meet this sweet little one soon!

Layn & Celeste said...

Your post brought tears to my eyes. Nicole you are such a strength and example to me! Submitting to our Father in Heaven's will for us is so much harder than it seems sometimes, but so worth it and everything happens how it should and not how we think it should. And I completely agree that certain spirits are sent to certain parents and when you receive that special spirit, you know that he/she came from Heavenly Father and feel so honored that He would trust you to care for one of his choicest spirits.

Know that you guys, too, are in our prayers constantly and we really love you guys. I too can't imagine all that you guys are going through right now. Thank you for your amazing friendship and concern. We love you guys.

Julie Knowlton said...

Nicole, you are such an inspiring person. I am so glad John is married to you. :)

I am praying for you.

Jane said...

I will be thinking of your family. That is wonderful and I hope it all goes well. I just have to say how adorable Ruby is, she has the cutest little face. I just want to scrunch her cheeks! Jane (John's cousin)

kels&murr said...

Nicole and John-like others have mentioned, I read this and I was overcome with emotion. Murray and I will keep your family in our prayers . What more deserving and amazing people than you and John for this- we love you!

Jess and Matt said...

This is truly a faith-building and miraculous experience you are embarking on. We wish you the very best and will remember you in our prayers and think of you often. What amazing and inspiring people you are, we feel priveledged to consider you friends.

ahe said...

I read your post and adoption profile yesterday and have been thinking about them ever since. Nicole, you have the most amazing gift for honestly and beautifully expressing difficult and raw emotion. So many of your posts evoke great emotion with pure honesty that is truly inspiring. I know that your family will be blessed to receive the special spirit that the Lord has promised you and am so thankful for your example of love and trust for the Lord and His plan.

Rachel said...

Hey Nicole! This is Rachel (Petersen). I came across your blog and have enjoyed getting caught up with what you are up to. Ruby is adorable. Good luck with your adoption--that baby could not be luckier. Keep in touch!

Laurel said...

No doubt you are amazing parents and WILL have another of God's children in your home. As my brother and his wife have been unable to have a baby of their own over the past 3 years, I feel like I have a slight idea of what you and John have been going through. I am honestly SO EXCITED for the decision you have made and completely agree that it is a good, selfless, guided decision. You will be blessed! I will definitely keep you in my thoughts and prayers as I keep my ears and eyes open.

Brady & Karissa Smallwood said...

I am so happy for you! That's so exciting!!

buddens said...

I can't wait for it to happen for you guys! You're both simply amazing. We'll keep our eyes and ears peeled for leads!

Rania said...

I love you guys so much. I am so excited for whats happening. I feel that by posting this and sharing this with others will bring forth great miracles. It amazing what happens when we send out our intentions and ask for support! If anything the prayers alone will assist in bringing forth a beautiful miracle. I am so grateful to be assosciated with you. I know that I am better for it! This is so exciting!

Katie said...

Hello Nicole -

It's John's cousin Katie. I read your post, cried, and felt the spirit...

I just wanted to let you know that Heavenly Father will be hearing ExTrA prayers from California on your behalf!

Your Ruby is BEYOND precious! I can only imagine the joy that awaits you and your next little doll!

* With Love *

Julia Kelly said...

you are such an inspiration to me and all mothers i'm sure. your next baby will be so blessed with you and john as parents.

Dad said...

I know I mentioned this in a private e-mail to you and John, but I just want to reiterate what a beautiful job you (and he) did in compiling your profile! We can't wait for our next grandbaby!

Angela said...

You and John are AMAZING! I hope you find the little spirit that will continue to complete your family soon! We will keep you in our prayers.

Brooke said...

That is exciting! Can't wait to see what happens.

Danielle said...

John, Nicole and lil' Ruby-Roo,

I love you guys! I've been praying for you so much - ever since John first told me that you guys were looking to adopt. Many, many heartfelt prayers have been sent your way. Honestly, no child could ask for better parents. I just KNOW that a miracle is headed your way. Please let me know if there's ANYTHING I can do for you.

I know of two couples looking to adopt, and they suggested designing a personalized site (in addition to the LDS Family profile) that features information about family traditions, hobbies, parenting philosophies, household management styles, information about how you met, what Ruby's likes/dislikes are, etc... so that birth parents can learn more about you as individuals.

Thank you so much for your incredible examples of faith, humility, and trust in the Savior. You are AMAZING!

Lots of love! I'll keep praying for you, and keeping my eyes/ears open.

Jill Hunt said...

I agree so much with everyone's comments! I remember when I first met you and John and when you were Ethan's teachers. I always thought to myself and even mentioned to Paul, that I thought you guys were amazing people and that you guys would be great parents some day. And then you became pregnant and had that beautiful glow. I was so happy for you guys and just knew that you guys were meant to be parents. Then when you lost poor Isaac. I couldn't understand why and was so sadden but knew that couldn't be the end. Then came Ruby who is just beautiful and I know she has the best parents ever! So I know that no matter where your next children come from, they are definitely suppose to belong to you because you and John deserve the best. Good luck with everything!

Anthony Family said...

Wow you are an amazing women! I felt the spirit reading that. I have placed a baby for adoption, so I know what that is like. I haven't seen you guys since you lost your little boy. I was always wondering what happened to you. I'm so happy that you have a little girl now and get to adopt another sweet child. I thought the same about you as the others that you are an amazing couple and I am so excited to have found your blog. Our blog is www.anthonyfamilynews.blogspot.com
Sarah Anthony

Mike Jones said...

Good luck guys. I'm hoping you'll get a baby soon so our baby and your baby can hang out. If its a girl maybe they'll get married and then we'll be related. That would be awesome!

Sonja said...

Nicole and John,
You guys are amazing. I love you.

Amber and Dallas said...

Nicole,
I am so excited for you! What a neat experience you have shared. We will be praying for your family. We love you guys so much and can't wait to meet your new litte one!

The Lee Family said...

I am so impressed by you and John going through with faith. It is tough. My parents have adopted and so has my sister and brother. Man do we love those kids that were brough to us through adoption! You are in our thoughts and prayers while you go though this process!

Layla said...

Nicole! This is Layla Judkins from Grandview 8th. I found your blog and really enjoyed reading about your life and your little girl. I used to work with your brother matt's mother in law and she told me that you had a little girl and named her ruby. She is soo cute and I love her name. When I worked at the court house, one of the greatest miracle I ever witnessed was a family taking pictures together after an adoption. I remember how happy the family was and I know that you will experience the same thing. Best of luck!

Brandon & Ashley said...

That is exciting. We have quite a few friends that have adopted, what a next experience! A little overwhelming but what a blessing. Good luck in your search! You two are such great people I am sure you are amazing parents.