Wednesday, January 10, 2007 it feels good

The past two nights have been the first that I've actually slept the entire night through (uninterrupted) in almost a year! I rarely got a good night’s rest when I was pregnant with Ruby. I just experienced too much anxiety over losing Isaac and fearing that I would lose her too, (not to mention the discomforts caused by a huge belly, heart burn, and nausea). After Ruby was born, we couldn’t bear to put her in her own bed (not even the one we had for her located right next to ours). I just wanted to hold my little gem in my arms all night every night…well, actually, every other night because her daddy needed his cuddle time with her too! We kept saying that we’d only have her in our bed for the first couple of weeks, and then those weeks turned to months and we still couldn’t put our little angel in her own room. It was just too dang sweet having her right there with us (and also very convenient for the middle of the night feedings). Recently, however, she’s been demonstrating her mobility; especially in her sleep, and I think that she was trying to communicate to us that she needed her own space. About five nights ago, after her dinner and a nice bath, I put Ruby to bed in her very own crib, which I’m sure felt very foreign to her. I won’t say that it was easy, and yes, she cried for awhile before finally drifting off to sleep. I decided that I wouldn’t use the monitor (I just feel like sometimes they’re more a worry than a help) because they just magnify every little peep or stir. I figured that if she was really crying hard enough during the night, (being the light sleeper that I am) surely I would wake up and go meet her needs. That first night was rough for me, not for her. I awoke every couple of hours and ran to her room to make sure she hadn’t stopped breathing or fallen out of her crib (maybe the monitor would have been a better idea). After the first couple of nights of trying to adjust, I found myself more and more relaxed and have loved the way I feel after a perfectly restful night. Yeah, I miss her like crazy but my sadness quickly dissipates every morning as I run to her room, quietly open her door, and am greeted by her radiant smile, her beaming eyes, boisterous squeals, and flailing limbs. Life just doesn’t get much better than this.

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