three months

this is really starting to scare me. time is just clipping right along, and there isn't a thing i can do to stop it...or to even slow it down. our little jude is already three months...actually closer to four now. in a lot of ways, though, it feels like we just came home from the hospital...and that he's still my tiny little newborn. but then when i see the pile of newborn clothes that he's outgrown, and another stack of 0-3 month clothing with bulging seams, and a box of size one diapers that will have to be shelved for the next baby (oh i hope there's a next baby), i realize that he's no longer my newborn. he's already gained about 5 pounds, and grown about 3 or 4 inches. he's lost some hair in spots, and grown a bunch in others, namely up top. he smiles if you simply look at him, he coos if you talk to him, he laughs if you gently tickle his collar bone. he still loves to be held, and i still don't have a problem with that. as a result, i'm not getting as much done as i used to...but i rather enjoy it. life seems to be a bit simpler...but also a bit sweeter, and lovelier, and more rich. well except for the scare he gave us...and then the scare we gave ourselves. a few weeks ago, he developed a cold, which turned into a horrible cough, which caused him to throw up, and the cough along with the throwing up, caused him to stop breathing on more than one occasion. on top of that, he developed a high fever, which scared the daylights out of me. we took him to the hospital where he was diagnosed with RSV. he was one sick little puppy. thankfully, his oxygen levels weren't too much of a concern, so they sent us home. a few days later he developed an ear infection in both ears and had to be on an antibiotic for that. we were a mess. it was such a sad 10 days for john and me to have to watch our little jude suffer so much. after a lot of prayer and a lot of faith, he finally started improving, and eventually got better. he's still congested. i usually have to suction out his nose a few times a night. before he got sick, he had actually started sleeping 8 hours straight, which was so nice for everyone. unfortunately, now he's back to his old ways of wanting to nurse two and three times a night. i didn't think i would ever feel this way, much less admit to it, but i actually quite love our middle of the night feedings. it's quiet, and peaceful, and it feels as if we're the only two in the whole entire world. i get to snuggle his little body, and hold him close to me, and for a few moments, a couple of times each night, nothing else matters. it's just me and my boy. best feeling ever. a couple of weeks ago, we had another scare...but this time it was totally our fault. my sister rachel was in town, and the three of us were going to a movie. we left ruby and asher at home with a babysitter, and took jude with us. when we got to the theater, there were mobs of people and the parking lot was pretty full. john offered to drop me and my sister off up front, and told us that he would catch up to us after he found a place to park. a few minutes later, he joined us in the ticket line, which took several minutes to get through, and then left us in line for concessions while he headed to the theater to get some seats. after we had been in line several minutes, i started to think about jude, and couldn't recall whether or not john had him while we were waiting all together in the ticket line. i asked my sister, and she couldn't remember either. i was sick to my stomach. we raced into the packed theater where my eyes combed the crowd for a green shirt...john's green shirt. i hoped and prayed that i had been wrong. surely we had not left our baby in the car. it had been a hot day, and we figured that at least 15-20 minutes had passed since john had parked, turned off, and left the car. i was sick. i was shaking. and i was searching the crowd, scanning the theater, and praying my guts out that john had jude with him. a friend pointed out where john was sitting, and my fears intensified by about a million when i discovered that...he was alone. together - now both of us sick, and both of us shaking - we raced through the parking lot toward our parked car...neither of us wanting to open the door, for fear of what we'd find. i just knew, i just KNEW we'd find him dead. given the heat of the day, and the amount of time we had left him, the odds weren't in our favor. despite what we both knew we might find, john burst through the car door, and after seeing him kicking his little legs, and flailing his little arms, he shouted out "he's ok!" i rushed to the aide of my babe, who indeed appeared to be just fine, aside from a couple of beads of sweat that had started forming on the bridge of his nose. john and i were still shaking. in fact i shook through a good part of the movie as i held and rocked my baby, and silently thanked my Heavenly Father for protecting him...yet again. i have heard of babies dying from RSV, and i have heard of babies dying of hyperthermia from being left in a parked car. our baby seems to have dodged a couple of bullets already, indicating to me that first, he surely has angels protecting him, and second, it's not yet his time to go. and for that i am eternally grateful...because i'm not yet ready to give him up.