frolicking in the clovers

One thing that drives me crazy about myself, is that I get these high expectations of how things are supposed to turn out...how I want them to be. I'm an idealist. I envision and dream...creating in my mind - perfect moments, perfect scenarios, perfect situations. I guess it's not necessarily a bad thing, per se; but because I have such a hard time adapting my expectations when things don't turn out as planned, I end up giving up and getting upset...which is never a good thing.

This morning I had set my alarm for the crack of dawn, for no other reason than to get everything just perfect for our annual St. Patty's Day photo. That was probably my first mistake...a St. Patrick's day photo is just not a legitimate reason to interrupt good sleep. So anyway, in the course of the morning, things went from bad to worse...from the camera malfunction, to the kids' snotty noses, to the dogs' pulling and tugging at their perfectly tied and thoughtfully placed green bows (yes I did say dogs, as in plural...we are dog sitting Zoe, our niece Karen's maltese - so cute...and even cuter with two green bows tied in her ears - which lasted all of two minutes), the sun was too bright, Ruby wouldn't cooperate, Asher was screaming...the list goes on...and on. So I finally threw my arms in the air and declared we're through, it's over. John just laughed, and totally didn't understand my frustration, which added even more to my chagrin. He left for work looking handsome in his green green shirt and tie, and I hung my head feeling defeated...and disappointed...and embarrassed for making such a big deal over something so trivial.

I asked Ruby to change out of her 'green' outfit (the one I let her pick out at the store last night - specifically for our awesome family photo), and into her dance outfit (the one that the two of us had put together - in honor of the holiday- and laid out the day before). After she got all ready, we tied green ribbons on green suckers for all the girls in the dance class, and even had some time left over for a few pictures. The only thing she was interested in, however, was picking flowers...which totally bugged me. She would not hold still for a single photo. She wouldn't even so much as look at me. I had dreamed about how darling these photos would turn out...she'd be sitting on the little white chair in front of the shower curtain (which I had envisioned would make the best backdrop), with the most beautiful little smile on her perfect little face. There I go dreaming my way into fantasy land again. She agreed to finally let me take some pictures of her, but only if she could dance, and she would only dance if I put on the Glee soundtrack for her. She is very particular with her requests. I was happy to oblige, and enjoyed watching her frolic in the clovers while I went crazy with the shutter button. Too bad Asher missed out on all the fun...poor guy was so crabby during our first attempt, giving me no other choice than to put him back in his bed.

So after all that, we get to Ruby's dance, only to find out that the studio was closed due to spring break. Defeated and beaten once again. Ruby turned to me with a sad look and said so mom, does that mean I get to eat all the suckers? That made me laugh...for the first time today actually - I laughed.

The day ended up being a great one, different than how I had envisioned, but in many ways - better. Better because there was no plan. Better because we could just do what we wanted, when we wanted, and for as long as we wanted. No agendas, no schedules, nowhere we needed to be, nothing we absolutely needed to do. We went and visited John at work and passed out suckers to him and all his coworkers, and then headed to the dollar store so that the kids could pick out a toy; and we came home and colored...and played...and enjoyed the rest of our afternoon together.

And the camera stayed on the shelf.