Thursday, July 30, 2009

as if it were our last...

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A couple of weeks ago I went to see My Sister's Keeper with two of my friends. We were (and I think I'm safe to speak for all three of us) a bunch of blubbering bawl babies throughout the ENTIRE movie. I had read the book, so I thought the movie would be a huge let down. It turned out to be pretty different in a lot of ways, but I enjoyed it almost more. Actually enjoy is the wrong word, because I cried consistently throughout, but I guess you could say that my eyes were opened. I learned so many important lessons, one of which was pretty obvious - that being the delicacy of human life. It's so precious and fragile. It's something we should never take for granted. It's something that could be taken from us, or from someone we love, in the blink of an eye. It's so short. I realized while watching this particular movie, that I need to make more of my life. That I need to stretch myself in so many ways. That I need to be better at expressing my love. That I need to be more grateful. Happier. That I need to better my relationships...especially with my husband and children. Not to say that we have bad relationships, but if one of them were taken from me in this very moment, I know I would live the rest of my life with some sort of regret. Regret because maybe I didn't spend as much time with them as I should have. Or regret because maybe I didn't tell them I loved them as often as I as thinking it. It seems that no matter what, some sort of if only, or would have, or should have, always creeps in. I decided that I don't want to live with those regrets. I carry a huge burden of regret that hasn't left me since the day my own mother passed away - almost 12 years ago. I wish I would have gone into her bedroom more when she was sick. For days and weeks that bed was her home, and many times she lay there all alone (my dad was with her most of the time, but he also had 7 children and an entire household to care for, oh, and a full time job). Why didn't I lay by her side more? Why didn't I take the opportunity, while she was coherent, to tell her that I loved her more than life itself? That I appreciated all the things she had done for me, and everything that she had sacrificed for my happiness? Why didn't I thank her for teaching me about the Savior, and for letting me borrow her testimony until I finally found my own? Why didn't I take advantage of those moments when it would have been just the two of us, mother and daughter, to promise her that I would live a good life so that I could see her again? I think It's because I hoped that she would beat the disease....that she would get better, and that those two months of hell, would someday be nothing more than an uncomfortable, and very distant memory.

When I got home from the movie, it was late, and the house was dark and quiet. I climbed into bed, and held my little Ruby (who has made our bed her own) as tight as I could without waking her. I lay there reflecting upon the deep messages I pulled from the movie, and ended up planning our entire tomorrow together. It was a day I shall not soon forget...

After reading scriptures and eating breakfast as a family, we got started on our first project together, which was to paint a beautiful landscape...
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Haha...not sure it turned out so beautiful, but we put our hearts into it, and that's all that really matters, right?

Next up, we made a necklace from a little kit she got as a birthday gift from her cousin, Lincoln...
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Then we put together and painted the birdhouse kit that she got as a party favor from little Em's birthday...
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We even got on you tube and learned how to make an origami bird...
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Finally, we got ourselves ready for the day, and went out on the town...
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It was one of the sweetest, most well-spent days of my life.


So, after learning the hard way (the experience with my mom), and because of occasional stimuli (such as this movie), I've once again resolved to live each day as if it were my last; and to try and treat other's as if I might never see them again.

Now, let's see how long it lasts before I need another stark reminder.

8 comments:

Celeste said...

I need those stark reminders weekly. Its too easy to become wrapped up in daily life and just forget to "live" it and live it well. You are such a great mom.

That was a fun night and a great movie. We need to have those nights more often. Next up on the movie list I'm dying to see (that Layn probably won't want to see with me) is The Time Traveler's Wife.

And yes, let's plan our tie-dying/eyelash party soon for sure! :)

me said...

I think that "remembering" is one of the hardest parts of our earthly existence. Remembering what we know. Remembering the lessons we have already learned once or twice. You know, all that stuff. I love days like this and even though not every day can be devoted to such things I think and hope that my kids will remember the times I really try hard to make our day special.

Jon and Ashlyn Ellsworth said...

Nicole your post was so amazing! I too went and saw that movie and was moved deeply. I have a father who is still fighting cancer and is in remission but we have had many times where we thought he may not make it. Its those hard times that teach us to become stronger and love life for what we have now and not what we want! Live in the moment and like you said live each day like its your last! Love ya girl and thank you for that amazing post!

diana said...

i really want to go see that movie. i love it when a book, movie, tv show, picture or poem reminds me of something important that i may have pushed aside. i need those little reminders in my life.

i love the pics of ruby's little fingers threading the beads.

oh, and the bird house turned out great.

natalie eve said...

fantastic post... yet again.

you are such a fun mom nicole. i bet ruby and asher have a ball with you.

you inspire me to try and be a better/ more fun/ creative mom for miss emmihead.

and yes, you are definitely okay to say that we were all a bunch of blubbering bawl babies. i can't wait to rent it at home so i can really cry it out... with my ugly cry that kept wanting to bust out. haha.

sarahtuckett said...

There is no better mom than you nicole.... enough said!

Ethel Carola Aredes Tapia said...

no se amiga cuanto tiempo tendras que volver para recordar de las cosas pequeñas ocurren las grandes de vivir como su fuera el ultimo lo que si se es que nuestro padre siempre nos pone cosas en nuestro camino para recordar esas de vivir como si fuera el ultimo dia de vida
por ello no quiero pasar mi oportunidad de decirte que te amo mucho y que siento muy bendecidad en mi vida por la oportunidad que tube de conocerte

brandy said...

Hi Nicole, my name is Brandy. I don't think we officially met but I was in your ward this summer. My family and I stayed in Brooke Monson's apt. while they were out of town. My aunt is also in your ward, Annette Eccles. Maybe you know her.
Anyways, I stumbled onto your blog from Brooke's blog. I hope you don't mind. After reading this post I feel like I need to thank you for your sweet words. Thank you for reminding me how we really do need to make the most of each day and let the ones we love know how we feel. I really needed to be reminded of that today.
You have a beautiful family.