Sunday, June 29, 2008

hard day...

If Isaac had lived, he'd be three today. I still can't believe it was three years ago. Three years ago that I gave birth to our first born son. Three years ago that we bathed him, and dressed him, and wrapped his tiny little body in a tiny blue blanket. Three years ago that we held his lifeless body in our arms. Three years ago that we had to said goodbye...
Three years isn't that long, but it seems like an eternity when you have to be separated from someone you love. People always say that life goes by in the blink of an eye, and that this mortal life is so minuscule when compared to eternity; and although I believe these things to be true, they don't make the passing of our son any easier to bear. I still think about him all the time. My arms still ache to hold him. I still wonder what our life would be like if he had made it. I still miss him. And sometimes - days like today - the feeling of longing is ever more present, and evident, and intense, and painful. Days like today - his birthday - are hard. I'm just so grateful for my Savior. I love Him, and know that it's because of Him and His glorious gospel plan that we are able to be with our loved ones again. John and I anxiously await the day that we will be reunited with our sweet angel boy; but until then, we need to continue to do everything in our power to ensure that we are worthy of that blessing.

Just a little tribute to our dear little Isaac Joshua...until we shall meet him again.


Isaac's Lullaby - Angel Lent To Us was written and sung at Isaac's funeral by our sister-in-law, Leigh.

15 comments:

The Bentleys said...

oh my gosh, what a tender and precious thing you just shared with all of us. He is absolutely beautiful!! I know he is watching his mommy and daddy everyday with his Father in Heaven. You two are some of the strongest people i know to go through some of the things you have. I look up to you soo much you have no idea! Thanks for sharing that special story with us.

love you

ahe said...

I love little Isaac and will never forget the strength of his spirit. We have the picture of his hand around your finger in George's room and I look forward to the time I can teach George about his amazing cousin and (middle) namesake.

love you

p.s. We got home from Driggs today and I got the cd/pics you sent. THANK YOU!

Rania said...

I don't even know what to say. I will never understand what it must feel like to go through that experience. What I do know is that you and John are amazing parents. I am so grateful to have you in my life and to have been able to be there during this time. I am excited for the day when you and Isaac will be reunited. What a beautiful day that will be. He is an angel.
Love you

Julia Kelly said...

I remeber this so clearly and can't seem to say enough about the strength that you and Jon have. Heavenly Father has blessed you so much with strength of spirit. Thank you for sharing your story. Life is truely a gift never to be taken for granted.

Danielle said...

I wish I knew the exact right words to say to bring you some peace and comfort. I will never forget the day John told us about Isaac, and seeing his picture - it still breaks my heart to this day.

I think it's amazing that this baby you're adopting is a little boy. It's like Isaac is sending you a reminder of his love. I know that valiant child is watching over you from above, along with Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ - and your mother.

I can't imagine the pain of losing a child. I do know, however, that to have such a valiant child (and to see how amazing Ruby is, too)... it shows just how amazing you and John are as people and as parents. I know this is true, and I know you'll be reunited with this precious baby boy again.

Thank you so much for your example, for your spirit, for your testimony, for the way you live your life, for opening up your heart, and reminding all of us what matters most in life - love, friends/family and, of course, the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Bless your heart Nicole - I'm sending you and John hugs from Utah right now.

Travis and Teresa Wilson said...

Nicole thank you for sharing that. My brother Kyle just lost his little boy at 20 weeks and it was good for me to be reminded of the outlook you and john had on the whole thing. You guys truely are amazing people who I look up to so much. Thanks.

Jon and Ashlyn Ellsworth said...

Thank you for sharing that with us Nicole. It touched Jon and I's heart so much. I can't even tell you how beautiful that was. You and John are such wonderful people and I know that you will return to your precious Isaac someday. Thank you again for sharing something so heart warming.

Dad said...

Dearest Daughter,

I know the day is coming that Jesus will dry every tear, and I guess we'll have our share of them for Him when He does. How near you have approached to understanding our Father's feelings when He gave His Son. I love you, John, Ruby...and Isaac.

Kat & Steve said...

I can't imagine how hard this must have been and continues to be for you all. I imagine that you will always ache for him. I hope you know that your faith has blessed far more people than just your own little family. Thank you for your example to us all.

Layn & Celeste said...

Your strength amazes me Nicole. What a difficult trial to go through. I cannot even imagine losing a child. What a sweet song and wonderful tribute slideshow. It moved me to tears.
Love you guys. I miss you!

buddens said...

Wow, that was hard for me to watch, I just bawled. My heart goes out to you a thousand times. You are an amazing person and I can't wait for the day when you get to hold your little Isaac again.

Sarah said...

What a beautiful song and slide show. What a hard thing to go through, but I know it has made you who you are, made you stronger. Thanks for sharing that.
I also think about my little boy everyday. It is hard for me sometimes as well, but I know he is where he needs to be. I know he is in good hands, and so is little Isacc.

The Heap Family said...

I cannot express enough admiration and love that I feel toward you and your family. What a hard thing to share with all of us, but I am so grateful that you have. It is just another testimant to me of awesome plan of our Father in Heaven. You are amazing people and I feel so blessed to know you and your family.

Lynell said...

Dear Nic and John, what a difficult thing you have been through to have to wait for your sweet baby boy. We ache with you watching you have to go through the pain of not having Issac with you now. Knowing that you will be with him again,knowing that he is such a special spirit that he didn't need to be tested on earth and knowing where he is, all are wonderful but it is still so heart wrenching not be able to hold him now. You have had to endure so much and have done it so well.
Love you!

This is me... said...

wowww nicole este video es absolutamente hermoso!No podria imaginar el dolor q se siente aun cuando desde el momento q empeze a ver el video comenze a llorrar.Ustedes son una familia hermosa con muchas bendiciones.Nuestro padre celestial nos ama y el les dara el consuelo q ustedes necesiten. Lo unico q puede confortar tu corazon es tener la seguridad q nuestro padre celestial lo necesita con el..