Thursday, May 29, 2008

this may sound crazy, but...

I love it when Ruby wakes up crying in the middle of the night. I love it - not because she's sad, or uncomfortable, or frightened; but because she calls for me, and I have the privilege of rescuing her. I get to be the one to lift her out of her bed, and to hold her in my arms, and to make her feel all better again. I love to tell her that everything will be okay, and then to get the feeling that she believes me. That she trusts me. I love to tell her to lay her head on my shoulder, and then to wait as she does. And usually by the time we make it down the hall, through the family room, and into my bedroom - and before I even have the chance to place her head on the pillow - she's asleep again. I love to snuggle up to her, and kiss her soft cheeks, and hold her tiny little fingers. I love how much she tosses and turns in the night, searching for a comfortable position. I love how she frantically kicks until her legs are free from the binding sheets. I love it when she uses my head as a pillow for her own, or when her body ends up laying horizontally across my neck. I love to wake up to the sound of her squeaking binky. I love it all. I love it because she loves it. And I love it because I know it won't last forever. It can't last forever. Not because we as her parents will stop allowing it, but because one day she will decide she doesn't need it anymore. She will grow up and value her privacy, and her sleep; and won't want to snuggle; and will think it's weird for her mother to kiss her cheeks, and to hold her hands. I think when she's grown I will long for the sleepless, blanket-less nights. The nights that I awoke suddenly to a foot in my ribs. The nights in which the sound of the squeaking binky sabotaged my dreams of an uninterrupted slumber.
So for now, while she's still young, while it's still cool for her to sleep with mom and dad; I welcome her cries in the night. I look forward to getting up and bringing her to bed with us. I love it because it has provided me with some of the best, most tender, mother-baby bonding moments imaginable.


Ruby lying in mom's bed with her "squeaking" binky. (We are down to only one binky...and yes, those are buck teeth protruding from plastic lips. It was something I picked up for Halloween, but recently had to resort to using, after losing all the others...and no, I do not let her out of the house with that thing.)

6 comments:

ahe said...

I have to say that I totally don't relate (maybe it is the fact that I have a 16 month old that still doesn't sleep through the night) but I think that Ruby is really lucky to have you for her mom.

Julia Kelly said...

I think its so wonderful that you can take something like not sleeping at night and count it as a blessing. You are a wonderful mother. Thank you for reminding me how lucky we are as mothers.

Danielle said...

Precious!

This reminds me, yet again, just how much I long to be a mother.

buddens said...

So fun! I feel the same way ... except that recently all our snuggle time caused a spread of pink eye from our little snuggler to both parents! Plus I'm so much less comfortable sleeping now that I'm nearing the end of pregnancy. It's a double edged sword though because even though I'm less comfortable, I know there isn't much time left before another tiny someone will be vying for our snuggle time, so I want to give her all she needs for now!

Dad said...

You are wise beyond your years to enjoy this while you can. Imagine how you'll feel when your oldest is 31. :-)

Dana Mania said...

Nicole, I'm going to try to type this thru my tears. I know exactly how you feel and you describe it perfectly.
And I have to say after having another baby, it just makes me miss those nights alone with my Alex. And it also makes me realize how fast she is growing up, and I am terrified how soon it will be until she doesn't beg to come to bed with mom and dad anymore. And now when Macy gets up in the night, I can't help but just sit there and hold her tight because now I understand just HOW fast they really do grow up!....I hate these "Baby Blues"!
Thanks for the reminder, Nicole. You are one wonderful person! Love you.