Friday, June 29, 2007

sweet little angel boy

Last night, I couldn't sleep. My heart was heavy. I felt empty. Lonely. Sad. And, this morning, when I woke up, I felt the same...except my heart not only felt heavy, but it was racing too...and aching. And my arms were aching...aching to hold my son again. It was two years ago that our little Isaac Joshua made his struggle to to enter mortality. In fact, today is the two year anniversary of his birth, and his death. As sad, and as hard as this experience was for us, I wouldn't change anything about it. I trust Heavenly Father so much. I trust that he knew what he was doing when he decided to take our son. I trust that it is all part of his plan for our little family. I have faith that Isaac is busy about his Father's work. His dad blessed him shortly after his birth, that he would be a missionary; so that is exactly what I picture when I think about him. I picture an adult spirit (not the helpless baby that we held in our arms for an entire night...and into the day). I picture him busy, and happy, and working, and teaching, and running. I picture him as a missionary. He's just away on a mission...that's all. When I think about it that way, it's a lot easier to bear. But I guess today, because it's his birthday, I just miss him a little more than usual. What I wouldn't give to be able to hold him...just one more time. I guess I will just have to be patient, and wait for the day that the Lord will give him back to us. I'm so grateful that he has made us this promise, and I will continue to do what is necessary to receive this blessing.

Shortly after we lost Isaac, my brother Aaron, and his wife Dorothy, sent us a book that they had made, full of beautiful pictures of our son, taken by Dorothy. On the final page of the book, they included a list that they had put together. The truths included on this page, have had an impact on me, and have given me added hope, that I will yet see my son again; and that he is doing just fine. Thought I'd share the list:

10 Truths about Isaac Joshua...
  1. He will always be your son.
  2. He follows the Savior, for he accepted his plan.
  3. He completed his mortal mission.
  4. He is among the most righteous, inasmuch as he was not required to endure mortality.
  5. His Spirit is adult in stature.
  6. He is an Heir of the Celestial Kingdom.
  7. He is redeemed from the temptations of Satan.
  8. He is now busily engaged.
  9. He is with loved ones.
  10. He will receive a perfect body in the resurrection.
  11. You will be blessed to raise him during the millennium.
  12. He will be blessed to experience all of mortality’s goodness during the millennium.
(I added a couple of things to the list.)

Happy Birthday Isaac, Our Sweet Little Angel Boy...Until we meet again.


Grandpa Pitts said...

I think Aaron and Dorothy's list says it all (with the things you added). I know each item on the list is true; and I, too, must will myself to be patient...Happy Birthday Isaac! (It was his mortal birth, and the "birth" that ushers mortals on to eternal life.) I love you, sweet Angel Boy!

Jess and Matt said...

That is so touching. I am so sorry that you had to go through this experience, but your strength has had a huge impact on me. I love the list, and it is definitely something that can bring hope and light to this situation. What a precious little angel you have. You will see him again, and I know he sees you and his daddy and loves you both so much. Happy Birthday sweet baby.

buddens said...

Wow, so so so many things running through my head. This still brings tears to my eyes, I think a lot because of how close my daughter's birthday is to his, so when John told me about your loss, I almost couldn't bear it. How wonderful, however, to think that Heavenly Father trusted you guys enough to put one of his most perfect, most cherished spirits under your care. You guys are truly amazing. And Happy Birthday, Isaac!

jaime said...

Wow...that was powerful. I'm at work, and I'm crying!! What a special day and what a special boy. Hang in there, you'll be together soon enough. Happy B-day Isaac.

ahe said...

I love little Isaac so much. I am so thankful that I was able to hold his little body and feel of his sweet spirit shortly after his birth. His birth, passing, and the greatness of his spirit are all things that I will never forget. I think about Isaac all of the time and plan to teach my George Isaac about his special namesake. I love you guys and am so thankful for the strength of spirit that you show through everything you experience.

Grandma Judy said...

Tonight was a peaceful and spiritual experience. We visited Isaac's resting place with lots of family, listened to Leigh's beautiful song that she wrote about Isaac, and knelt in family prayer as Brian offered a prayer of thankfulness. I am thankful for eternal families. I am blessed to be Isaac's grandmother. I love all my family very much. John and Nicole's strengh has blessed us all. I love Isaac Joshua.

diana rose said...

i don't think any comment i leave is good enough for your beautiful little baby.

you truly are such a strong person, i think that's what draws people to you. it is such an admirable trait.

isn't it wonderful that you know of heavenly father's plan and that you know for a surety that your family will one day be re-united? what peace that must bring.

happy birthday to isaac. (i know i'm a day late.)

Rania said...

Nicole, you are amazing! I remember coming to the hospital to visit and seeing the strength and endurance you possesed. The power that emminated from you was indescribable. You are a incredible mother to both Isaac and Ruby! You are blessed to have such wonderful sweet spirits attached to you! If only we could see the bigger picture....Happy Birthday Isaac!

Amber and Dallas said...

I couldn't help but cry as I read about sweet little Isaac. Nicole, you are such an amazing person, mother, wife, and friend. What a strong person you are. I feel so blessed to know you and to have you as a friend. I know Isaac can't wait for the day that he gets to see you and John again. Happy Birthday little Isaac. You are so loved!