a very merry 4th birthday...

It's sad that I'm just now getting around to documenting Ruby's birthday - which was 2 and a half months ago. To be honest, there are a thousand things I never got around to blogging about...so I'll just consider this one, better late than never.

So for Ruby's fourth birthday (and upon her request) on june 4th, at 4 0'clock in the afternoon - we hosted a tea party and invited 24 of her little friends. She is crazy about Alice in Wonderland right now, and since there are so many things you could do with an Alice in Wonderland theme, we decided to center it around The Mad Hatter, and host a tea party. For a good couple of months we hit up every thrift store and antique shop within a 15 mile radius. We scoured the shelves for tea pots, tea cups, saucers, and really any sort of tea party accessory we could find. Every day ruby would ask me, mom is it june 4th yet? Putting the invitations together was a lot of fun...Ruby helped me pick out all the flowers and materials and we assembled and delivered them together. Finally the long-awaited and much anticipated day had arrived. We spent hours setting up for the party and getting everything in order. The pint-sized buffet table consisted of every kind of finger food imaginable...mini sandwiches, tiny fruit kabobs, sliced veggies, a variety of cubed cheeses, cookies, crackers, and all kinds of mouth watering sweets, chocolates, and candies. The kids were in heaven as they heaped up their plates with whatever they wanted (I'm sure the mom's loved me for that...especially right before dinner), and sat in their tiny chairs to feast together. They were having the best time loading and re-loading their plates with their favorite goodies, and refilling their teacups with lemonade. I was actually pretty shocked that all of our cups and saucers made it through the tea party in one piece. John rented a Mad Hatter costume, and played the part well. He was the perfect host. Most the children loved him, and all of them had the chance to sit on his lap for a picture. We played a variety of "tea party" games, some involving giant tea cups, some sugar cubes, etc. The favors were a lot of fun too...took forever, but turned out so cute. We ended up going with small bottles of Gerber juice, with a label and fabric topper, and a tag reading "drink me". For the "eat me", we put a packaged mini muffin inside of a decorative box, and added the tags and ribbon. Overall, I think it was a success. Ruby was definitely in her element as the life of the party and center of attention. She was in complete heaven the entire day, which made all the hard work, money, and time, spent on the party - completely worthwhile.

I'm glad she only has one birthday a year though...she's already making plans for her next party, and I need some time to recover. (Any ideas for a Cinderella party? Sounds kind of boring if you ask me. Hopefully by next year, she will have decided on something else!)

magnificent...

I've been pretty down on myself lately. Sometimes I look in the mirror and just hate what I see. The stringy hair, the weird eyebrows, the thin lips, the stubby eyeslashes ...the huge pores, the bloodshot eyes (why are my eyes always so red?)...the dark circles, the saggy sun damaged skin, the muffin top, the flabby arms...now I could go on, but I won't. I'd rather not openly expose too many of my flaws on the world wide web. I'm really not trying to wallow in self-pity here, nor am I asking for your sympathy. I simply share these things with you because my eyes have been opened...either that, or I've been humbled. Yesterday in Young Women's our lesson was on The Importance of Life- particularly human life. The advisor giving the lesson shared some excerpts from an address delivered by Elder Russell M. Nelson several years ago. I was particularly touched by the introduction of his talk, and am so grateful that as I listened intently, and of course through the Spirit, I was given a better understanding of who I am and of my own self worth.

I invite you to ponder things magnificent. The word magnificent is derived from two Latin roots. The prefix magni- comes from a term meaning “great,” and the suffix comes from the Latin facere, meaning “to make” or “to do.” A simple definition of magnificent, then, might be “great deed” or “greatly made.”

Think of the most magnificent sight you have ever seen. It could be a meadow in springtime filled with beautiful wildflowers. Or perhaps you have been awestruck, as have I, at the magnificence of a single rose. I have come to appreciate the magnificence of an orange, with each droplet of juice packaged in an edible container, joined with many other packets, grouped in sections, and all neatly wrapped in a disposable, biodegradable peel.

Some would say the most magnificent sight they have ever beheld is looking heavenward on a summer night, seeing stars beyond number dotting the sky. Some might choose the view of the Grand Canyon at sunrise; others, the beauty of a mountain lake. Some might select a peacock with its tail in full fan, or a hummingbird seemingly suspended in midair while feeding. These magnificent sights are wondrous beyond measure. They are all “great deeds” of our divine Creator.

Now, ponder the magnificence of what you see when you look in the mirror. Ignore the freckles, the unruly hair, or the blemishes, and look beyond to see the real you—a child of God—created by him, in his image. If we lift the lid on the treasure chest of the marvelous attributes of our bodies, we can discover, at least in part, the magnificence of man.

As I've read and re-read these inspired words, I've resolved to follow the counsel given in the last paragraph - to ignore my imperfections, to look past the flaws...and to see myself for what I really am - which is a beautiful magnificent daughter of a magnificent Heavenly king.

snuggle bug for a day...

I woke up early this morning with the intention of going running, but as I was getting myself out of bed, I heard a muffled cry coming from Asher's room. I immediately knew something was not right because, first of all, it was 6 am - Asher is never awake at that time; and secondly, because when he does wake up in the morning - he doesn't cry...he just happily entertains himself until either John or I come in to get him. So feeling impressed that something was definitely wrong, I ran through the family room, into the hallway, and burst through the door to his bedroom...only he was nowhere to be found. I could hear him screaming for help, but still couldn't figure out where he was...his bed was empty and I couldn't see him on the floor anywhere. I followed the sound of his whimpering cries, and found his head and upper body completely wedged into a 5 inch wide space between the frame of his trundle bed and the wall. I reached out and grabbed his legs, but was unsuccessful at freeing him. I yelled for John, and moments later, both of us were tugging and pulling on his legs - causing him some major pain and discomfort. Well after many fruitless attempts at rescuing our son, a light bulb finally went on...I had a brilliant idea. Hey, I said to John, let's both get at the foot of his bed and pull it away from the wall! Haha...it would have been a pretty obvious solution to anyone else I'm sure... but I've determined that my mind and it's ability to make sensible decisions, pretty much shuts down when exposed to any sort of trauma. I need to work on that, though, because I have a feeling we're in for a lifetime of surprises from our active, dare-devilish, thrill-seeker of a son...who may also be just a tad bit awkward, inept, and accident-prone.
John and I were quite relieved once we got him free...but not more than Asher, I'm sure. Poor guy had giant goose-eggs and bruises on the top and back parts of his head. His voice was hoarse. He was shaking and trembling, sweating profusely, and asking for water. He didn't even have the strength to stand on his own, and wanted to be held -which is very rare for him. If you've ever tried to hold Asher, apart from when he was 3 weeks old, you'll know that it only lasts all of about 5 seconds, and then he's wriggling away from you, and towards someone or something else. He actually allowed me to hold him for several hours, which was a wonderful treat for me, but also an indication of how traumatizing the whole experience had been for him. I wish I knew how long he was lying there unable to move...then again, it's probably best I remain incognizant. I'd probably still be beating myself up over the fact that I had turned his monitor off before I went to sleep because of it's disturbing and unwelcoming crackle sounds. Well I've now learned my lesson...I'd rather be up all night listening to the static from that darn monitor, than have to find my baby in another situation like that one. All I can say is that I'm grateful he was watched over and protected until we could get to him...and I promise to keep the monitor on tonight.

The quality of this picture isn't great, but I had to post it anyway because there may not ever be another one like it. We snuggled like this for probably three hours.

she i survived...

So it was really today - Ruby's first day of school. Yesterday didn't count since I got to go with her. Today was harder than yesterday. I pretty much didn't know what to do with myself while she was away. You'd think we'd never done this before, the way is was so hard on me. Maybe it's because last year she was just right around the corner and because her teacher was my friend. Maybe it's because now I'm realizing that kindergarten will be here in the blink of an eye. I don't know. All I know is that today, both my home and my heart felt pretty empty without my little sunshine.

seriously?

This is how Asher revolts against being dressed in a pink apron...

my little stellaluna...

Today was Ruby's first day of school. This is her last year of preschool before she enters kindergarten. I cannot believe she is already so grown up. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, taking her to school. Probably because I got to go with her for the first day. It was nice to be able to meet her new teacher, and have a tour of her classroom. Miss Arlene met with the parents, while her assistants took the children and read them a story - Stellaluna. I haven't read it myself, but I know it's the story of a fruit bat who gets separated from her mother. I'll have to read it to see how the story really applies, but I can't help but think of Ruby as my little Stellaluna. It's hard to send my first born out in the world. I sometimes wish I could just keep her home forever, tucked safely in my arms...but let's be honest, how healthy would that be? I guess I can only pray that while she's away, she'll be watched over and protected. That she won't be [negatively] affected by all the craziness this scary world has to offer. That she'll remain true to herself and to her values. I'm really excited about her preschool program this year. It's Christian based, which means that she'll be learning stories from the Bible as well as the Book of Mormon. Her teacher also promised that by the end of the year, she'll be reading! So yes, my little Stellaluna and I may suffer from some separation anxiety in the beginning...but ultimately, it will be for the best. I couldn't be more excited for this new year, and for it's endless possibilities.

Enjoying some playtime at school and holding "Stellaluna" the bat.

Ruby is sad to have to come home...while Asher, with his headband and name tag in place, is anxious to head out the door.

AS [we love] HER

i just came across this picture...this treasure. it's like i'm just now seeing it for the very first time, though, which seems strange - only because it was i who took it. perhaps, if i had noticed it before, it wouldn't have had such a profound affect on me. maybe i needed to discover it now. now. because i've been feeling like i might be at my wit's end. now. because i'm afraid i've been losing focus. now. because i've been impatient, and abrupt, and quick-tempered with my little asher... which has caused me to start questioning my abilities and my role as his mother. i was surprised at how easily the whole mothering thing came to me the moment ruby was placed in my arms. it was as if i had been born for that very purpose...i had literally waited my whole life for the chance to be a mother; and when the opportunity came, it was like i just knew what to do. it didn't take me long to identify her different cries and to know what each one meant. most of the time if she was upset, it was because she just needed to be snuggled and held close...a gentle kiss on her soft cheek was sure to take away any hurt or discomfort she may have been experiencing. ruby started communicating early on. if she couldn't speak it, she'd simply sign it. it was never much of a challenge to figure out her wants and needs. ruby has always been easy to please...and even easier to love.
and then there's my asher. from almost the moment he was placed in my arms, he's been a challenge. he developed a double ear infection when he was just two weeks old and was hospitalized for 4 days. his first year of life he was plagued with the pains and discomforts that accompany acid reflux; and as a result, was alarmingly underweight and malnourished. even though he's pretty much out grown the reflux, he still vomits when he gets worked up or over-eats (which he tends to do quite often). he also struggles with asthma, and at the onset of just a minor cold, an albuterol treatment is required to keep the runny nose from escalating into a full blown respiratory infection. and if all of that doesn't sound terrible enough, the poor kid has got some major digestive/bowel issues. i will refrain from going into detail on this one, as i would hate to damage his little psyche...but can i just say BAD? on top of all the health problems, my little ash man is a ball of energy...and that's putting it lightly. just watching him in action will wear anyone out. he's constantly moving, and going, and running, and jumping, and getting into things. i seriously cannot keep up with him even half of the time. it's not just that he's entering the "terrible twos". and he's more than just "all boy". i would go so far as to say that he operates on an entirely different plane - a plane inhabited by the tasmanian devil...and maybe animal from the muppets.

maybe Heavenly Father decided that i needed some humbling in mothering, and so he sent me asher. i don't know, but i must admit, since he came into my life, i have learned a few lessons in humility...as well as patience, and unconditional love. but i'm nowhere near where i need to be. because like i mentioned earlier, i feel like i might possibly be at my wit's end. i'm treading water. at times i'm barely breathing. and sometimes it's all i can do to keep from losing my mind...
and then the Lord, like he always does, extends a small tender mercy - a lone photograph, among thousands, that has the power to soften my heart, give me perspective, and increase the love i feel for my precious baby boy. i love how asher is the focal point, the subject, of the photograph. he's the center, the life of the image. the sunlight rests on him, and only him. his older sister lies quietly in his shadow. his father, eyes closed, reverences him...expressing tenderness through a soft smile and a gentle touch. even asher, himself, seems to outwardly manifest a spirit of reverence, as he delicately and trustingly rests his head on his daddy's body. this image does something to me. it moves me. it speaks right to my heart...it tells me that right now, in this moment, asher - my asher, is the only thing that matters in the whole entire world.

john and i went to the temple today and did sealings. we were able to be proxies, or agents, authorized to act on behalf of the dead. we were instrumental in sealing several marriages together beyond the grave...for eternity. i was privileged to be the proxy for a number of daughters as they were sealed to their parents. by so doing, i was able to reflect upon the blessings and promises that were given to asher the day he was sealed to us. that day, he was endowed with all the blessings of being born in the new and everlasting covenant -or the gospel of Jesus Christ. that day, he became ours - our son...just like ruby is our daughter.

we have a plaque with our son's name on it. it was given to me by a very dear friend at my baby shower, and it hangs on the wall above the window in the kids' room. A-S-H-E-R, it reads, in big capitol letters. one evening, as we were congregating in the room for family prayer and scriptures, i noticed that john was staring at the plaque. have you ever noticed the way his name is spelled? he asked. as-her. wow i thought. pretty profound. something we definitely hadn't thought of as we contemplated calling him asher, but how very fitting. ruby was born to me...asher was born to another. but that doesn't matter, because we love him every bit as much AS HER. ruby was born in the covenant...asher was sealed to us later. but that doesn't matter, because we love him every bit as much AS HER. ruby was an easy baby, and an even easier toddler...nothing about asher is easy. but that doesn't matter, because we love him every bit as much AS HER.

i am so grateful for a morning at the temple, a name board hanging on the wall, and a simple photograph...all of which have reminded me how much i love my little asher, and what an honor and privilege it is to be his mother.

look what asher did...

this morning ruby and asher were playing together in their playroom while i was in the other room folding laundry. suddenly ruby burst into tears and came running from the room. mom she wailed, look what asher did to me. as distraught as she sounded, i had prepared myself for the worst - maybe a gash to her head? a welt or possibly a cut somewhere on her body? i braced myself, and then i saw this...

ruby had been depantsed by her 2 year old brother. hilarious.

asher the crasher

i know it's been about a year since i last blogged. i'd like to say it's because i haven't been home much...that i've been running, and going, and doing...busy with summer and family activities, church responsibilities, working out, service endeavours, date nights, social events, play dates, etc, etc, etc. truth is, these things have occupied my time, but certainly have not sucked away my every last spare minute. i used to consider myself one of the world's best bloggers...ensuring that i posted something new at least 4 or 5 times a week - sometimes even multiple times per day. the things is, i've always been a busy person. i've always been on the go. i've always had a full calendar of events; and yet, i've always made time to blog. so what's the difference now? why do i allow a lapse of weeks (sometimes even months) between blog posts? i'll tell you what the difference is - i've never before had a (nearly) two year old asher. believe me when i say, that boy is giving me a run for my money. in fact, if asked to describe my son in 5 words, here is what i would say: asher is a crasher, trasher, basher, splasher, gasher, dasher, and smasher...in no particular order. oops, was that more than five? my bad. seriously, he's the reason i can't blog anymore. if i were to attempt to sit down and work on a post during his waking moments, i'm convinced he'd find a way to burn the house down. that boy climbs up on everything, he jumps off of everything, he gets into everything, he breaks everything. whatever i do, he undoes. whatever i straighten, he messes up. if i put it away, he gets it out. he tears, he rips, he shreds. he scribbles upon, throws away, and flushes down (yes the toilet) anything and everything he can get his hands upon. since he figured out how to climb out of his crib, the piece of furniture was deemed useless, and we opted to take it down. it was wonderful in the beginning, as it created a nice open space in the kids' room. the cons of that decision, however, began to far outweigh the pros, as it gave our little ash man more freedom to do what he does best - which is to crash, smash, and trash. the other day, only moments after putting him down for his nap (he now sleeps in a trundle that pulls out from under ruby's bed), i heard a loud crash. i burst in the room, and discovered that he had attempted to climb his curtains...which resulted in pulling the entire curtain rod from the wall, and leaving two ghastly holes in the sheet-rock. a couple of days later, i again heard a startling crash -this time followed by a piercing scream. i again burst through the door, only to find that he had managed to pull his entire dresser on top of himself. i have no doubt this was the result of his attempting to scale it. looks like we'll now be bolting that piece of furniture (and many others) to the wall, as i'm fairly confident he will repeat the offence. that's one thing about my little asher, he does not give up until he accomplishes the task at hand, until he comes out conquering.

*note: this room was in pristine order prior to putting him down for his nap. notice the curtain hanging from the bed post. yeah, this was the day he decided to test his upper and core body strength by climbing the drapes. oh asher.

i have gone into his room after a nap (on more than one occasion), only to discover it in a complete upheaval - diapers and wipes scattered all over the floor, the contents of the trash can strewn throughout the room, dresser drawers emptied out, changing table bins and canisters devoid of their substance. ughhh...just writing about it wears me out. so during the day, while he sleeps, i'm usually dealing with the aftermath of his waking annihilation. and at night, after he goes to bed, i'm too tired to even think about recording the events of the day. so believe it or not, asher is the culprit...he's the one to blame for my blogging hiatus. i promise as soon as i can get a handle on this, i will be back...and let's just hope - for the sake of preserving my sanity - it's sooner rather than later.

* note: these pictures are evidence that he does have a sweet side, which i promise to write more about in a subsequent post. trust me, i'm crazy about my son...he just enjoys keeping me on my toes is all.

my dear little

ruby,



you turned 4 nearly a week ago. every day since your birthday i have thought about taking some time to jot down my feelings...truth is, momma has been busy with so many different things...running here and there, doing this and that. it seems like every night i'm just too exhausted, and all i really want to do is cuddle up with you and drift off to sleep. finally last night i was able to sit down at the computer to write all about your birthday and your party, but you lay on the bed looking up at me with the biggest, saddest eyes. then you asked me if i could come and hold you until you fell asleep. well that was a request i couldn't pass up...i figured the blogging could wait one more day. i wrapped my arms around you and we stared into each others eyes. we were so close, our noses practically touched. i watched as your eyelids became heavy and within just a minute or two, you were sound asleep. i continued to hold you there in my arms for a long while. i thought about the past four years and how much my love for your has grown. i still remember so vividly the day you came into our lives. you didn't make a peep when you were born...in fact, in a way it kind of scared your daddy and me. nobody else in that room seemed to be concerned though, and then that sweet nurse laid your tiny little body on my chest. i wondered what you were thinking about as i watched you gaze around the room and then stare up into momma and daddy's eyes. i couldn't fathom how it was even possible to love this tiny little stranger the way that i did. and then last night all those same feelings came flooding back, as i once again, held you close to my heart. in fact, since our very first encounter on that beautiful sunday afternoon, over four years ago, we have had thousands of moments like these...moments i wish i could freeze and stay in forever. your dad and i used to keep you in our bed and take turns holding you and snuggling you at night. it wasn't until you were 8 months old that we finally decided it was time for you to be in your own bed. that was one of the hardest things for me to do, but i knew it would be better for all of us in the long run. that lasted about a year and a half...and then you were back in our bed every night...and still are to this day. i know you're a big girl, and that you should probably be in your own big girl bed; but it just breaks my heart to leave you in your room screaming and crying the way that you do. what is it that plagues you? what do you worry about? what are you afraid of? well, that big world out there is a scary enough place, i never want you to be afraid in the walls of your own home. i want it to be a safe place for you...a haven. and if being in mommy and daddy's bed makes you feel the very safest of all, then know that you are always welcome there. truth is, we kind of like it too. i just figure that soon enough the day will come that you won't want to sleep in our bed anymore; and then i think i'll be longing for the days when you did. i cherish every moment i can cuddle up to you and feel your warm little foot against my leg. i cherish you, my sweetheart, and i cherish the 4 years that you've been a part of my life. i love you more now than i did when i first laid eyes on you, and i never thought that would be possible. the love i feel for you in this moment is...well, it's so strong my feeble words can't even express it. hopefully one day you'll understand. happy birthday, my dear little ruby.

all my love,

your mom

little eskimo...

it's been so long since i've signed into my blogger account, i almost forgot how. i guess it goes without saying i have a lot of blogging to catch up on. sometimes i get so overwhelmed with everything i haven't blogged about, that i just stop blogging altogether. so tonight i convinced myself to just start with something...hopefully this will motivate me to keep on going, even if i sometimes get behind.

this past year has been an interesting one with miss ruby and her dance class. she has had a bit of a love/hate relationship with it. in the beginning she loved it and was a total ham. she used to ask me every morning mom, do i have dance class today? after each class, she would come home and show me all of her dances...practicing her shuffle steps, arabesques, and somersaults multiple times a day. however, about mid-way through the year - during the first 5 minutes of one of her classes - she came running out to me from the studio, sobbing. i couldn't get her to tell me what had happened, and still to this day, it remains a mystery. she threw a fit about going to dance for several weeks following this puzzling incident. it wasn't until my friend, diana, came and picked her up one day, and took her to dance class with her daughter, ava (who happens to be ruby's best friend in the whole wide world), that ruby decided she liked dance again. it's been off and on like this throughout the year. some days she would be be completely thrilled to go, and other days it was like pulling teeth to convince her that she loved dance and needed to go to class. all in all, it turned out to be a good experience for her.



for several weeks they have been preparing for the big recital show; and just last week, we were privileged to see the fruits of their labor. i won't go into much detail in writing about how absolutely darling their numbers were, or about how my heart melted every time my little princess wiggled her hips - rather, i think i'll just post the videos here and let you judge for yourself...

*in both dances, ruby is on the far left

an eternity

John and I celebrated 6 years of marriage this week. It seems weird that we've only been together six years (well 8 if you count the two years we dated), because to me it feels like we've been hand in hand our entire lives. We enjoyed a perfect dinner together on the patio of a fancy restaurant. The weather was flawless -not too hot, not too cold - just that untainted, exquisite, room temperature feel. That's always my favorite. Walking outside and not feeling a thing. The sunset was beautiful. We were able to relish in it's delicacy as we sat on the dock waiting for our gondola ride. We laughed as we viewed the silly pictures we had taken of each other on our camera's lcd screen...and we also got some amusement out of our matching plaid outfits - which, surprisingly, were not planned.


After explaining the fortuity of our situation to our gondolier, she concluded that our relationship must be destined, because - not only were our shirts plaid - their pigments were also complimentary on the color wheel. Imagine that.

I like to think that our marriage was destined for (and because of) reasons far more important and substantial than just a coincidental coordinating accouterment. But it was a cute thought. Our boat ride around the lake was perfect and romantic...well, for the most part...we actually had to exert a great deal of restraint to avoid laughing while we were being serenaded to. I'm so glad the poor girl was behind us so as to not see the tears streaming down my cheeks and onto my lap...and I certainly hope it was too dark for her to notice how bad our bodies were shaking as we silently split our sides. It was so ill-suited - but at the same time - so outside of our ability to control. She had a beautiful, effortless sound, which reverberated across the entire lake; and the bay's acoustics were unparalleled. It just caught us off guard when she belted out that first note - which we were never fully able to recover from. And unfortunately (or fortunately) - for the 10 minutes she sang - the two of us worked our abs extensively.

I love my John. I love spending time with him. I love talking with him, and laughing with him (even when it's sometimes inappropriate). He has rightfully earned the role of being my best friend. I can't imagine my life without him, nor do I remember much about my life before he entered it. It really just feels like we've been together for an eternity...and maybe it's because...we have.

Happy anniversary, my sweet.

gearing up

This year we won't be going to church on Easter, but rather, listening to our prophet speak to us in the comfort of our own living room. I love general conference, and always look forward to it with anticipation. I am so excited that it falls on Easter this year. I think that conference will make Easter more special, and I think that Easter will make conference more special. Does that make any sense? I look forward to just being able to focus on the Savior and Easter in a spiritual, symbolic sense. Easter mornings are usually pretty crazy at our house...trying to get everybody dressed and ready for church, looking just right in our coordinating attire, getting that one perfect family photo (which never happens, btw), etc. I love that we were able to take care of all of that last week, so that this Sunday - Easter Sunday - we can really focus, and worship, and hopefully be edified, uplifted and rejuvenated. I can't wait.

Here we are in our matchy-matchy outfits this year...

Bottom two photos compliments of Ruby