Last night, I couldn't sleep. My heart was heavy. I felt empty. Lonely. Sad. And, this morning, when I woke up, I felt the same...except my heart not only felt heavy, but it was racing too...and aching. And my arms were aching...aching to hold my son again. It was two years ago that our little Isaac Joshua made his struggle to to enter mortality. In fact, today is the two year anniversary of his birth, and his death. As sad, and as hard as this experience was for us, I wouldn't change anything about it. I trust Heavenly Father so much. I trust that he knew what he was doing when he decided to take our son. I trust that it is all part of his plan for our little family. I have faith that Isaac is busy about his Father's work. His dad blessed him shortly after his birth, that he would be a missionary; so that is exactly what I picture when I think about him. I picture an adult spirit (not the helpless baby that we held in our arms for an entire night...and into the day). I picture him busy, and happy, and working, and teaching, and running. I picture him as a missionary. He's just away on a mission...that's all. When I think about it that way, it's a lot easier to bear. But I guess today, because it's his birthday, I just miss him a little more than usual. What I wouldn't give to be able to hold him...just one more time. I guess I will just have to be patient, and wait for the day that the Lord will give him back to us. I'm so grateful that he has made us this promise, and I will continue to do what is necessary to receive this blessing.
Shortly after we lost Isaac, my brother Aaron, and his wife Dorothy, sent us a book that they had made, full of beautiful pictures of our son, taken by Dorothy. On the final page of the book, they included a list that they had put together. The truths included on this page, have had an impact on me, and have given me added hope, that I will yet see my son again; and that he is doing just fine. Thought I'd share the list:10 Truths about Isaac Joshua...
- He will always be your son.
- He follows the Savior, for he accepted his plan.
- He completed his mortal mission.
- He is among the most righteous, inasmuch as he was not required to endure mortality.
- His Spirit is adult in stature.
- He is an Heir of the Celestial Kingdom.
- He is redeemed from the temptations of Satan.
- He is now busily engaged.
- He is with loved ones.
- He will receive a perfect body in the resurrection.
- You will be blessed to raise him during the millennium.
- He will be blessed to experience all of mortality’s goodness during the millennium.