Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Last night I couldn’t sleep…my heart was racing, my stomach churning, and I just felt frightened (for no apparent reason). I never thought I suffered from anxiety (with the exception of my last pregnancy), but as I’ve recently learned about some of the symptoms, I’ve concluded that I’m so anxiety ridden, it’s not even funny. It usually hits me at night, when I’m trying to go to sleep. It’s as though my body is in repose, yet because of my frenzied mind, I just simply cannot relax enough to get any rest. Last night I lay there listening to the white noise made by Ruby’s monitor, when I distinctly heard faint lullaby sounds (like the music that comes from a mobile or a jewelry box) coming from the speaker. I knew that I hadn’t turned on Ruby’s mobile, plus if it really had been coming from her nursery, it would’ve been much louder on the monitor. I jumped up and ran to her room (just to be sure that everything was okay). I found my babe sleeping peacefully; and, did not hear any lullaby music. I went back to bed, feeling quite foolish, and wondered if I might have been hearing things. After a minute or two, I heard (for the second time) distant noise coming from the monitor…this time it sounded like the frantic cries of a newborn. I turned off the monitor and the crying stopped. Turned it on again, and the cries resumed. (Remember, just moments earlier, when I checked on her, Ruby had been in a deep sleep.) I know, I know, this sounds like a hoax, but I’m dead serious…this is for real and it gave me the creeps! I ran to Ruby’s room (made John come with me), snatched her out of her hibernation, and dragged her to bed with us. I quickly shut our bedroom door behind us and turned off that possessed monitor! (I’m sure my husband thinks that I’m the one that’s possessed, but he was, nevertheless, a great sport.) It took us all (especially Ruby) a while to unwind after the ordeal, but after listening to some “wholesome” white-noise (from the bathroom fan), we were tranquilized into a deep slumber.
Posted by nicole at 5:20 PM
Monday, January 29, 2007
I never used to like Mondays. In fact, I loathed them so much, that it wasn’t uncommon for my "enjoyment" of the (much anticipated) weekend, to be outweighed by my "dread" of the inevasible MONDAY! It was, without exception, such a torment to have to start a new week of school or work, and it always seemed to me that the weeks were so drawn out! Now, time flies by so quickly, I feel like I can’t keep up (another affirmation that I must be getting older). Anyway, I realize this may sound crazy to some, but I’m really starting to like Mondays. I especially looked forward to this Monday (today) because it meant the end of a really boring, stuck in bed, 24 hour flu (or gnarly bug) weekend. (That’s right, I woke up several times, in the middle of the night Friday, fighting bouts of nausea, among other things …I’ll spare you the details.) Needless to say, it took the entire weekend to get my energy back, and finally, today, I woke up feeling 100% back to normal!
So, one might ask, why do you like Mondays? And here’s my response: I like Mondays because:
1) I always feel rejuvenated (physically and spiritually).
2) I usually have a spotless house, clean laundry, and a fridge and cupboards stocked with food (thanks to Saturday)!
3) I have the chance to re-evaluate the previous week, and set goals for the upcoming.
4) If I do need to make changes, Monday is a perfect day to start…it’s like getting a clean slate.
5) It means another fun an eventful week with my little tot!
And finally, last (but certainly not least)…
6) Prison Break, 24, and Heroes (I said I’m not a soap junkie, but I am a Monday night TV junkie!)
And now, Why do I like this particular Monday?…well, because:
1) It’s a beautiful day…70 degrees and sunny (that alone makes me happy)!
2) I’ve already gone to the gym, and yes, got my 6 miles out of the way!
3) I had a great chat with my Dad on the phone!
4) I have a ton of energy, and can eat (or drink) anything without fear of vomiting!
5) Ruby does not have Strep, RSV, or any type of infection (parents always fear for the worst)!
6) She just has a cold, and will be back to her happy, smiley self in no time!
7) She just cut a tooth on the top (so when she does get back to smiling, it will be a big “toothy” grin)!
And finally, last (but certainly not least)…
8) John came home for lunch! There’s almost nothing better than having a nice, relaxing, mid-day break with my wonderful husband and beautiful daughter!
My Monday…such a happy, fulfilling, perfect day!
Posted by nicole at 5:27 PM
Sunday, January 28, 2007
I found the online obituary of little Joshua (the son of Ashley, whom I referenced in an earlier post). I was amazed at how much his little picture resembled the one we used for Isaac's obituary photo. (top photo- Joshua, bottom photo- Isaac)...such sweet little Angels!
Posted by nicole at 6:20 PM
Friday, January 26, 2007
I’ve been feeling kind of down lately for two reasons: 1) the gloomy weather we’ve been having… and 2) my little Ruby has been sick. It’s been so long since I’ve been out (other than my daily excursion to the gym), and I guess being cooped up inside(for more than one or two days in a row)…can really start to get you down. With that said, I decided, (while Ruby’s napping) to come up with a list of 10 or so things that have made me laugh this week. I figure, if I could just come up with a few, I’d start feeling better in no time! …after all, isn’t laughter supposed to be the best medicine??
2) Ruby head butting Grandpa Jerry
3) Days of our Lives (I promise I’m not a soap junkie…I just turn it on occasionally to see if anything new has happened since my high school days) That show is seriously so cheesy…and the acting is hilarious!
4) My ghetto headphones I use at the Gym (I got them from the airline…they’re even adorned with little airplane wings!)
5) My Dad’s new alias…The Smokin’ Piper…
6) Speaking of aliases, did you know that “Tim Allen” (you know, the Home Improvement Guy) is just an alias for “Tim Dick”? (I would’ve changed my name too!)
7) …And that he spent over 2 years in prison for selling marijuana??? Tim Allen???...the guy who plays Santa???
8) Ruby sitting in her bebe pod
…watching tv. (maybe that’s more “cute” than “funny”?)
9) The Office… “IT takes a big man to admit his mistake…& I am that big man”. (John and I just watched that episode last night)…we were rolling.
10) John’s Biore Strips (don’t worry, I asked his permission to post this)
Wow! That felt good! In fact, I found myself laughing all over again while compiling this list. I highly recommend this to anyone who may be feeling “down in the dumps” (don’t we all have those moments occasionally?)…It’s very therapeutic!
Posted by nicole at 5:46 PM
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
A few days ago, I got an email from Donna (one of my mission companions) telling me about her friend, Ashley, who just lost her first born son (the same way that we lost Isaac). Although I don’t know Ashley, my heart aches for her, as memories of our loss (a year and ½ ago) come flooding back to me. The past couple of days (since I heard the news), I’ve been thinking a lot about the series of events that led up to the passing of our son, and the days, weeks, and months following. I can remember holding Isaac’s cold little body in my arms, sobbing, and thinking “how can I go on with life?” I also recall feeling like I would never be able to laugh, or even smile, ever again.
I feel for Ashley, and her husband, because I imagine they are experiencing similar feelings and emotions at this time. As I look back over the past year, I can see how I was able to get through that particular trial, and yes, even laugh and smile along the way! I know we couldn’t have done it without the love and support of our families, our dear friends, and others that had been through similar experiences. I know we couldn’t have done it without the Gospel of Jesus Christ and our testimonies of the Savior and his Atonement. I know we wouldn’t be where we are today had it not been for the comforting power of the Holy Ghost…who literally carried us from one hour to the next. I have been so blessed this past year with a greater love for my Heavenly Father and my Savior. I feel closer to them now than ever before. I have been blessed with a beautiful daughter, Ruby, who is an Angel, and the joy of my life. I know that when the Lord asks us to sacrifice something (in our case, our son…and in Ashley’s case, her son) he will always give back “an hundred fold”. I rejoice in this principle, and know that the Lord always keeps his promises. I know that He will bless Ashley and her husband (as he has us) in the upcoming days, weeks, months, and even years. My thoughts and prayers are with Ashley, her husband, and Baby Joshua at this time.
Posted by nicole at 5:47 PM
I was at the store today with Ruby, waiting in line (behind an elderly woman) to make copies of some pictures. The woman turned around and was admiring Ruby with comments like “oh she’s just beautiful” and “such a good natured baby”. Then she asked me what her name was. When I replied “Ruby”, the woman beamed, “why that’s my name too”! She was tickled that she had met a “little” Ruby, and proceeded to tell me that she had never heard that name among this generation of children. It was so cute to watch her lean over and say “well hello, Ruby…I’m Ruby”. She then asked me if I happened to be making copies of any pictures of Ruby, and if so, if I could make an extra for her that she would pay me for. She reached in her purse and pulled out some change. I tried to refuse her money, but couldn’t resist when she said “put it in Ruby’s savings account”. How cute is that? I only wish that I would have had my camera with me to snap of shot of the two most darling "Rubies"!
Posted by nicole at 3:48 PM
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Posted by nicole at 3:39 PM
All I can say today is that I’m glad yesterday is over! It was the strangest thing. I was feeling great, went to the gym, ran my five miles (woo hoo), came home, took a shower, and when I got out of the shower, I realized that I couldn’t focus on anything! I was seeing huge cloudy spots and everything was a blur. I thought maybe I just had to give my eyes some time to adjust to the light, so I lay down on my bed for a minute with my eyes closed…but it wasn’t getting any better. Before long, I started to get a head ache, and it was then that I realized, I was getting a migraine! (I’ve only had two others in my life -my first was in the 5th grade… my 2nd in high school). I called John at work and he immediately came to the rescue…as he always does! He had gone to Walgreens and picked up these Migraine “Be Koool” gel sheets that you’re supposed to put on your head, along with some Excedrine Migraine.
This stuff really works!
After he medicated me, he made me a sandwich, got me some bottled water, and sat and rubbed my feet to try and get my mind off of the pain! I seriously couldn’t ask for a more compassionate husband. He is so so good to me. After he left, I tried to go to sleep, but I was seriously in so much pain that I couldn’t relax…plus at that point, I was feeling super naucious. It was horrible. Before too long, I finally drifted off, and felt a whole lot better when I woke up. John got home and continued to pamper me and Brooke sent us some delicious, homemade, chicken noodle soup that really hit the spot. Thanks Brooke!
PS. Does anyone know what causes migraines anyway? I’d love to be able to prevent that nightmare from recurring!
Posted by nicole at 1:38 PM
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Who would’ve thought that John and I would bring the Utah winter package, complete with snow, to (of all places) Arizona! That’s right it snowed here tonight, and it wasn’t just a flurry or two, it dumped! We were over at the Costello’s finishing up a nice birthday celebration for Joe, when Lori came running in the room yelling “You guys, come out here…it’s snowing…I’m serious, it’s really snowing!!!” I went to the door to see for myself, and sure enough the front lawn was blanketed in white. It was the coolest thing ever! The funny thing was that John was still sitting on the couch thinking that he was the brunt of a really big joke…that the whole family was in on. He finally got up to witness the wonder for himself. The kids were a riot to watch, all of them running, sliding, playing, twirling…in the snow. I got the biggest kick out of my 3 year old nephew James who came running into the house screaming “MAMA MIA!” while shaking a pile of snow off his head. The drive home was very snowy, wet, and slick, much like the crazy Utah roads in the winter. John marveled the whole way home while telling me that in all his years growing up here, he had never witnessed anything like this. When we got home we threw on the snow clothes and ran out front to build a snowman… kind of ironic since I grew up in Utah, and how many snowmen did I build?...let’s see, maybe one. I had such a great time out there with my husband, we were freezing our buns off but still managed to laugh and have a good time. Our next door neighbors and their friends came out to join us, and between the seven of us, we managed to erect a six foot tall snowman with stick arms, eyes (and mouth) of coal, and a banana nose.
I have one thing to say about the whole experience…what a crazy crazy phenomenon!
Posted by nicole at 10:48 PM
Saturday, January 20, 2007
The very best thing about our recent move to Arizona is that I’ve become so much closer to the other half of John’s family, and I really truly feel like they’re my family too. Last night I took Ruby to see Charlotte’s Web with Lori, Julie, and all of the kids. It was so much fun for me to be with my sisters in law and I seriously love all of my nieces and nephews so much. They are all just darling with Ruby and love to make her laugh. I know that even though she’s really young, she still loves being around her cousins and I hope that they can have great lasting relationships when they’re a little older. PS. the movie was super cute, (and didn’t fail to have me in tears)…isn’t Charlotte just the sweetest thing ever?!
Tonight we spent the evening and with Rob, Brooke, Ella, and Bennett. Ella, one day out of the blue just started referring to Ruby as “Rubes” and ever since, the nick name has stuck…they all call her Rubes. It’s so cute to me! After going out to eat, we took the kids on this carousel that they have at the mall. Ella and Bennett are frequent riders but this was Ruby’s 1st time. I decided to go with her the first time around (which turned out to be a pretty bad idea). The minute the thing started circling, my head started spinning and I thought I was going to be sick. Rob had to quickly take over my post while I took a breather on the bench. Experiences like this just make it more and more evident that I’m getting older. I can remember going on the Paratrooper ride at Lagoon (a ferris wheel type ride where the passengers sit in individual parachutes and the thing just goes around and around really fast for like 10 minutes). My brothers and I just loved loved loved it and we could never figure out why mom and dad hated it…well dad, I’m there now, and I completely understand. Anyway, I just couldn’t wait for the carousel to end (as I sat there with my eyes closed). John took Rubes the second go around, and they both had a blast! I watched Ruby clap her hands and squeal in excitement as she sat on the horsey with her daddy going up and down and around and around…such a tender moment. I must admit, it was more enjoyable for me the second time around… as I was able to observe from the side lines.
Thanks Rob, Brooke, Ella, and Bennett…we had a blast!
Posted by nicole at 11:34 PM
Friday, January 19, 2007
You know how smells take you back to a specific time or place? Well, I experienced one such smell today. It’s kind of rainy and gloomy out and I thought about just spending the entire day here at home where it’s cozy and warm…but, the gym was beckoning and I knew that if I didn’t go, I'd beat myself up over that decision later. So after I loaded Ruby in the car and raised the garage door, I was overpowered by this familiar “after rain” smell that was prevalent in Argentina. My thoughts drifted back to my days in Buenos Aires serving as a missionary. I thought about my friends there, the members, the converts, the people we taught that never joined. I thought about the colder than cold winters and the blistering summers. I thought about the magical rain storms, the breathtaking sunsets, the “to die for food”, the cobblestone streets, the roads of sand, the mansions, the tin homes, the trains, the buses. I thought about pesos and alfajores. But mostly I thought about the people and how much I love them. I thank my Heavenly Father for this rainy, gloomy day and for the experience of being able to indulge in reminiscence for a brief moment.
Posted by nicole at 4:20 PM
OK. So I’m not really afraid of the dark, I just have this phobia of being alone…at night…in the dark. When John told me that he was going to be going out of town, I was really proud of myself for not making a big deal out of it…in fact; I was actually kind of excited for the challenge of facing my fears on my own. (Side note: last time John went away for a few days, I insisted on flying home to stay with my family, and that’s exactly what I did!) So last night was really the first night that I had ever been alone the entire night through…and let me tell you, it was quite an experience. I put Ruby down at about 8:30 and then I stayed up for another couple of hours just watching TV and playing around on the computer until I got super tired. I thought, “Oh this is great, I’ll just slip right into bed and drift peacefully off to sleep”…wrong. I turned off the TV, shut down the computer, and turned out all the lights…and that’s when the fun began. Everything was super quiet so occasionally I would hear a creak or a pop (you know how houses have their sounds?) and I Just started freaking myself out! My imagination was running wild as I thought of every possible creepy scenario that could happen to a girl, at home, alone, in the dark. After laying still in my bed, for what seemed like an eternity, I finally “drifted off to sleep”. When I woke up this morning I actually found last night’s events to be quite comical. Nonetheless, I’m not ready to face my fears again for awhile, and am really grateful that John gets home tonight!
Posted by nicole at 1:47 PM
Thursday, January 18, 2007
John and Ruby were on the floor playing the other night and I had the best time just observing. She was totally studying his face and would ocassionaly grab at his nose or mouth or even poke at his eyes. Those two are so cute together and have so much love for one another...it's adorable. Ruby really is her daddy's girl!
I posted a couple of other pictures from that night. I snapped the bottom one at just the right moment. She's been doing this new face lately that always starts out as a big cheesy smile and then turns into this half way goofy grin showing off her two bottom teeth. What a ham!
Posted by nicole at 12:22 PM
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
I wanted to post this quote by Abraham Lincoln on my blog because it’s one that inspires me and motivates me to be a better person…in every capacity, assumed role, and aspect of my life. So I decided to compile a list of all the different roles that encompass who I am. This is what I came up with:
Member of the Church of Jesus Christ
Counselor in the Young Women’s presidency
I know there are more...and many others that I have yet to assume.
My sisters gave us a message board for Christmas that has this quote on it (I decided to make it one of my life motto's). I hung the board above the door that goes out to our Garage so that I can see it whenever I leave the house. I hope that by doing so, I will be reminded daily of my goal to be the best I can be in all the roles I am (or will be) entrusted with.
Posted by nicole at 7:37 PM
Sunday, January 14, 2007
I really should be at church right now, but Ruby had such a rough morning, and finally fell asleep about 40 minutes ago. I couldn't bear the thought of interrupting the sleep that she so desperately needed; so we'll go when she wakes up. While I'm waiting I thought I'd tell about the date I have tonight...it's with Jack Bauer! That's right, tonight's the season six premiere of 24...and I can't wait! In fact, John I are heading over to Rob and Brooke place to have a "24 Party" complete with 7 layer dip, chips and salsa, taquitos, fruits and dips, and all kinds of party treats! Should be fun!
Posted by nicole at 2:02 PM
Saturday, January 13, 2007
I have to say that my husband is the sweetest man alive! I haven't been feeling very well today; and he has spent the entire day serving me! He got us all caught up on the laundry (which consisted of washing, folding, hanging, and putting everything away)! We went grocery shopping together, but he unloaded all the bags from the car, and also put all of that away. He cleaned the kitchen, our bedroom, and the bathrooms (in fact he’s scrubbing the tub this very moment)!
Man I’m telling ya, if that’s not love…I don’t know what is! John, if you’re reading this, I want to tell you once again, thank you! You truly are my Sweetheart!
Posted by nicole at 9:58 PM
Friday, January 12, 2007
I went to the gym today around 11:00 and I’ve been on a high ever since. I really hate working out (always have) but I’m really really tired of feeling the way I do about my body…plus I’m worried about my overall health. Anyway, today I borrowed John’s ipod while I ran on the treadmill; and I’ve gotta tell you, it made a world of difference! I just put it on shuffle and went to town.
My sisters decided that they wanted to run a half marathon in April, so when we were in town over Christmas, they asked me and John if we’d like to do it with them. I thought it sounded like a pretty good idea…John didn’t. Needless to say he has agreed to train with me (as we’d both like to improve our health and get in better shape). When we got back in town, we went straight to the gym and got memberships! We’ve been faithfully attending (6 days a week) for almost 2 weeks now! Yeah!
To motivate me even more, I dug through some old pics of me in my bathing suit…when I was in my prime (condition wise). I made a little collage and hung it up in my bathroom. Next to each picture, I stuck a post-it with something written on it that I liked about my body (flat stomach, no cellulite, defined shoulders, nice legs, toned arms…well, you get the picture). I was thinking of having John take a picture of me in a bathing suit now (yikes), and posting it up next to the others. If that doesn’t motivate me to lose a few, I don’t what will!
Wish me luck!
Posted by nicole at 4:54 PM
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Do you ever wonder what babies would say if they could talk? I do. I’ve been particularly pondering that question today because Ruby has been sick. I’ve so desperately wanted to ask her where does it hurt baby? And what can momma do to make it feel better? Sometimes I just feel totally helpless when it comes to meeting her needs and making her happy. Is her bottle warm enough? Are her little jeans comfortable? Are her shoes feeling too tight? Does she even like the little pig tails with bows that I always put in her hair? Does it bug her that I kiss her so much?
Well, at least there are a few things that I’ve determined without her having said a word. She loves music…all kinds of music. Soothing sounds calm her when she’s upset and fast tempos make her dance (it’s hilarious). I also know that she loves loves sweet potatoes, more than any other food I’ve given her. Her mouth opens like the Grand Canyon on sweet potato night and I can’t seem to spoon it fast enough. If she could talk, I know she would tell me that she loves music and sweet potatoes.
I wonder, if she could talk, if she would say I love you mommy, you make me feel warm inside and safe.?
Posted by nicole at 5:23 PM
Well, I guess I spoke too soon…we had a pretty rough night last night. Poor little Ruby has had a cold the last few days; and last night, it just seemed to escalate. She was pretty miserable when I put her to bed and sure enough, she put in a pretty rough night. I decided to use the monitor because (being that she’s really congested) I wanted to know if she was having difficulties breathing at all. She woke up crying at 3 am and didn't stop until I went in and got her and brought her to bed with us. I put her little hands and feet close to me (they were like ice blocks). I fed her and it tore me up the way she was eating. Because of her stuffy nose, she was forced to unlatch every few seconds to gasp for air. She soon calmed down and was able to go back to sleep, but was pretty restless nonetheless. I can’t stand watching her suffer, (even if it is just a nasty cold)...why can’t it be me instead?
Posted by nicole at 8:16 AM
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
The past two nights have been the first that I've actually slept the entire night through (uninterrupted) in almost a year! I rarely got a good night’s rest when I was pregnant with Ruby. I just experienced too much anxiety over losing Isaac and fearing that I would lose her too, (not to mention the discomforts caused by a huge belly, heart burn, and nausea). After Ruby was born, we couldn’t bear to put her in her own bed (not even the one we had for her located right next to ours). I just wanted to hold my little gem in my arms all night every night…well, actually, every other night because her daddy needed his cuddle time with her too! We kept saying that we’d only have her in our bed for the first couple of weeks, and then those weeks turned to months and we still couldn’t put our little angel in her own room. It was just too dang sweet having her right there with us (and also very convenient for the middle of the night feedings). Recently, however, she’s been demonstrating her mobility; especially in her sleep, and I think that she was trying to communicate to us that she needed her own space. About five nights ago, after her dinner and a nice bath, I put Ruby to bed in her very own crib, which I’m sure felt very foreign to her. I won’t say that it was easy, and yes, she cried for awhile before finally drifting off to sleep. I decided that I wouldn’t use the monitor (I just feel like sometimes they’re more a worry than a help) because they just magnify every little peep or stir. I figured that if she was really crying hard enough during the night, (being the light sleeper that I am) surely I would wake up and go meet her needs. That first night was rough for me, not for her. I awoke every couple of hours and ran to her room to make sure she hadn’t stopped breathing or fallen out of her crib (maybe the monitor would have been a better idea). After the first couple of nights of trying to adjust, I found myself more and more relaxed and have loved the way I feel after a perfectly restful night. Yeah, I miss her like crazy but my sadness quickly dissipates every morning as I run to her room, quietly open her door, and am greeted by her radiant smile, her beaming eyes, boisterous squeals, and flailing limbs. Life just doesn’t get much better than this.
Posted by nicole at 5:42 PM